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 A Chance Encounter

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Angel
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Posts : 2622

PostSubject: A Chance Encounter   Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:25 pm

Okay, I know this isn't really a story, it's a poem, but it tells a story, so it counts xD Anyway, please critique this piece harshly as I know it needs work, and it's an assignment, so I want you to be as harsh as possible please xD


A Chance Encounter

Two O’clock
Eight minutes past
Twenty seven seconds

On the dot
A second later
And it all goes to pot

Rounding the corner
Not a second late
Little does she know
This is her fate

Twenty three seconds
Her man’s on his way
The one she’s about to meet
She’ll be his wife one day

Twenty five seconds
Something catches her eye
There’s a bag on his roof
As he drives by

Flailing arms
Bringing the car to a stop
Down goes the window
Twenty seven on the dot

A brief conversation
Then he’s back on his way
What’s his name?
He didn’t say

Just wait till tomorrow
They will see each other again
Make the connection
Make a date

Every second counts
A single second
Can change a life
Chance encounters
Bring new beginnings
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Shadow
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Posts : 2018

PostSubject: Re: A Chance Encounter   Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:27 pm

I do have to say it is different, haven't read any thing like it. It is good ^^
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Angel
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PostSubject: Re: A Chance Encounter   Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:31 pm

really? How is it different? xD and thanks Smile I just pieced it together xD This piece was actually inspired on an actual event xD On my way to the car park at uni, a guy drove out with his bag on his roof xD Was funny, I waved him down and told him his bag was on the roof xD I would laugh if I saw him tomorrow xD
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Shadow
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PostSubject: Re: A Chance Encounter   Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:32 pm

Haha okay, It is different because you have the time on it, which you don't always get in poems. It works in well I have to say Smile
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Angel
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PostSubject: Re: A Chance Encounter   Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:34 pm

yay! xD Thanks Smile
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Shadow
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PostSubject: Re: A Chance Encounter   Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:36 pm

Welcome Smile
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PostSubject: chance encounter   Mon Oct 17, 2011 2:20 am

nice poem mommy. i like it
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Angel
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PostSubject: Re: A Chance Encounter   Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:03 am

The only problem with it, it seems no one can really pick anything to change, and I know that there's something. I just don't know what
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PostSubject: Re: A Chance Encounter   Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:06 am

Hmm... true that...
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